he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
