mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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