This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
