She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
