there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
