Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
