I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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