i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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