woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
