***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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