We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sarcasm needs its own font
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
