Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
