it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
