I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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