I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
