I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
