i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am available for nakedness
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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