We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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