You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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