Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
