I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found puke in my bra..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
