Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
