I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
