I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
