nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
