Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
