I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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