I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
