I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
