girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
