I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
