What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
