In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
