its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
