I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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