i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
