she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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