I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
