How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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