Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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