problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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