I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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