i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
