Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
