Just fell off a train. Bad.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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