Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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