Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
