Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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