Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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