yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
